Yes, I’m breaching into Teen Wolf fanfiction
Shut up, you all know Stiles would totally do this.
Title: I Just Had Sex
Warnings: Stiles…being Stiles.
Summary: Stiles just had sex…and it felt so good.
I Just Had Sex
When Stiles opens his eyes, he finds himself staring at an expanse of rumpled sheets. He extends an arm and finds that they’re still warm and can’t stop the ridiculous grin from spreading across his face.
Okay, so maybe last night had been one of the most awkward and embarrassing nights of his life, but that didn’t make it any less beautiful and wonderful and amazing and awesome and astounding and mind-blowing and the other side of the bed is still warm, for crying out loud.
Stiles can’t contain himself any longer now that his brain is fully awake and he lets out a whooping laugh as he rolls onto his back, dragging his pillow over his face to smother the noise. His feet lift into the air as his body curls before he tosses the pillow off to the side and jack knifes out of bed.
At least, he tries to jack knife out of bed. It’s actually more of an ow, bad idea perhaps rolling off the edge of the mattress would be better.
As soon as his feet hit the floor, he wastes no time in diving for his computer and pulling it out of sleep mode so he can open iTunes. Several clicks later, he’s head banging to music that doesn’t actually require head banging and turns the speakers up to their max just in time for the main opening line.
I JUST HAD SEX AND IT FELT SO GOOD…
Stiles sings along at the top of his lungs, complete with raised arms and bouncing feet.
A WOMAN LET ME PUT MY PENIS INSIDE HER
I JUST HAD SEX AND I’LL NEVER GO BACK
TO THE NOT-HAVING-SEX WAYS OF THE PAST
His arms swing down as he continues to rap along, reaching for his sheets so he can pull them off to wash. He tosses the pillows aside — those he wants to save so he can bury his nose in them and fall asleep to scents that aren’t his own.
His dad’s bark startles him enough that in his flailing, he somehow manages to throw the sheets over his head. The hindrance doesn’t stop him from tripping over his feet towards his desk and scrambling around to find his speakers and turn them off.
In the deafening silence, Stiles takes a moment to mentally brace himself before pulling the sheets off of himself and turning to face his dad.
He offers up an awkward wave. “Hey…dad.” He has a hard time meeting his father’s eyes. “Didn’t…uh, I didn’t know you were home. Yet. Today. This…morning.”
His dad pulls a face at this, but it quickly melts away into a determined, yet somewhat fearful, expression.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” His eyes flicker from the computer to the bed, and his nod somehow manages to encompass both items.
Stiles squeezes the pale blue sheets in his hand, sudden terror that they might be about to have THE talk rooting him in place.
“Uhm…no? No. Not really.” He hopes his wide eyes will be interpreted as innocent instead of shocked guilt. “Because, really, there’s nothing to tell. Because maybe…maybe nothing hap—p—ha—oh.”
Stiles stutters to a stop because at that exact moment, his dad is forced to step to the side as Derek freaking Hale squeezes by, hair and body still wet from the shower, soaking the shirt he’s pulling on. Stiles’ mouth falls open as he looks from Derek to his dad to Derek to his dad to Derek to his dad, finally deciding to stop on his dad to take in his reaction.
Panic, realization, disbelief, horror. Oh, fuck.
Stiles’ mouth snaps shut as he looks back to Derek, only to fall open once more at the mischief that’s dancing in the werewolf’s eyes as he picks up his leather jacket from the chair in the corner. No, no, no, that’s not supposed to be an option when it comes to Derek. He is not playful, he is not mischievous, and he does not make a situation go from bad to worse.
Well, not on purpose.
But then he’s grinning —grinning! Who knew sex could fix so many problems? — and clapping the sheriff on the shoulder.
“Mr. Stilinski.” He turns and points a finger at Stiles. “Don’t forget to call me.” And with a departing wink, he’s gone.
Stiles’ dad slowly turns his head from where Derek had paused in his exit to stare at his son, his expression having resorted back to disbelief. Probably a sign of him going into shock.
“Uh…” Stiles clears his throat and scratches the back of his head, once again finding himself unable to meet his father’s eyes. “So…maybe something did happen, and while I probably should tell you about it, it might be in your best interest that we didn’t talk about it for a little while? Because…” The sound of the front door opening and then closing echoes through the house. “…surprise…!” He shakes his hands about in what he hopes comes off as a celebratory gesture.
His dad’s face has gone somewhat slack, a sure sign of him sinking further into shock and he simply nods in agreement, backing out of the room and shutting the door behind him.
Stiles remains frozen in place for all of twelve seconds before slowly leaning over and turning the computer’s speakers back on, this time keeping them at a much lower volume.
I just had sex and my dreams came true…
A/N: The song (for anyone who’s been living in a cave and is therefore unfamiliar with it) is I Just Had Sex by Lonely Island feat. Akon.